FRANCES @ Livejournal

Christmas is near and I haven't made any plans yet. Mulling over my hair if I should give it a rebond treatment. I never saw myself surrender to that kind but my hair is so desperate I dont know if I should give it a try. Yuck. I'd also skip a Boracay vacation with friends two weeks from now because it might get in the way with Christmas parties at work. You know, I can always go to Bora but next year I will definitely not spend another Christmas on this job. I hope I made a good choice.

And lately, office politics has caused me pain but then I am surrounded by so much love from my friends on the job. Things are not yet settled but I am just glad to know they're on my back. The thought of it makes me stronger already. :)

It's December and I haven't started shopping, nor budgeting. Thinking about it makes me feel broke. But I'm still excited for 2010.

The news is driving me crazy: GMA running AGAIN, Maguindanao massacre, etc. The President is so much in love with power. She is DESPERATE to stay in power. The Maguindanao massacre victims deserve JUSTICE as soon as possible. The ones behind it should DIE. It is so heartbreaking to see the pictures all over the internet. What a Christmas it would be for the families of those victims. :(

• 09:20 I miss you, you know... #
• 10:43 Ah alam ko na. May ending. #
• 13:32 Cadbury loveeeee. :) #
• 22:12 Basag ang ofcmates ko...hahahaha!!! Pwes, sana maaga ako magising bukas! Been sleep-deprived for the past few days na..:) #
• 22:16 Support No to Maguindanao Massacre, add a #twibbon to your avatar now! - bit.ly/85FDbI #
• 23:43 Watching the news right now....my blood boils at the sight of Ampatuan! Shoot na yan! #
• 23:53 Kaya ng five minutes. :) #

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• 08:43 @mistyriosa Ok ba? Wehehee. #
• 12:05 I'd sooner buy
  Defying gravity
  Kiss me goodbye
  I'm defying gravity
  I think I'll try
  Defying gravity
  And you wont bring me down! #
• 12:08 "Pag niyayapos kita, bumibilis yung tibok ng puso mo! Naramdaman ko dati!" - Jason, PBB #
• 12:09 "Ikaw ang makapal ang mukha.. bakit mo inooffer na mahal kita?" - Melay, PBB :)) #
• 15:04 Today I will build a wall so high. Break it if you can. #
• 15:09 I want to be in Maguindanao. I want to be there. It will slowly bring me back to my fighting form. #
• 18:08 Will see PB in a while. :) #
• 22:56 Met up with @phoebecasin sa Gateway. Busog at sobrang tawanan!!!! :D #

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• 08:50 Good morning. Keri lang. :) #
• 09:36 Checking out Blair photos. Yes, Blair. I love Blair. Leighton, not really. #
• 09:56 Woohoo haircut by December. Short hair Im back! :D #
• 11:58 This is tweet #1000! #

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For the first time in seven months, quitting has seriously crossed my mind. I like the people where I'm at. But still, something seems to be missing. Quitting has crossed my mind but I'm not doing anything about it YET.

 I do not take pride in my writing, but I believe that before my radiation treatment and my employment at the government, I wrote more freely and more intensely. Almost seven months later, I think a part of me died. I stopped writing the way I used to. Maybe because I wanted to become less self-centered. Or maybe because self expression is restrained. I can no longer write with rage, the kind of piece that reflects all my disgust in the institution I know work for. I stopped reading much too. I no longer read as much as I can. Most of what I read consists of news articles, directives, correspondences, laws, etc. But never a real book.

I hope by the time comes I'm ready to be that kind of writer again, I would still be be able to go back where I left off. I miss that version of myself but I cannot be that kind of person at these times. But I also wonder if I can bring that Frances in flames once I step out of this place. Right now, it's as if I'm dead. What I wouldn't give to feel alive again - someday. Someday, when I am ready. Because right now, I'm okay where I'm at even if my goals are stalled.

• 10:38 Good morning!! :) Hmmmm did not get enough sleep. But so glad the colds are gone. Yay. :D #
• 10:38 @jei_wai Nahawa ka sakin lol #
• 12:57 Huy. Huy. Halaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. #
• 14:20 You know I love you. >:) #
• 14:22 @mistyriosa Inspired ng Gossip Girl's "You know you love me" hehehe. #
• 14:29 The best proof of love is trust. ~ Joyce Brothers #
• 14:31 When people show you who they are, believe them. ~ Maya Angelou #
• 14:39 Hay naku. May nagbabadyang katapusan. Nyahahhaa. #
• 15:16 Excited for this week's #GossipGirl and #Glee. All new episodes. Hoorah! #
• 15:38 @starryme16 Thursday...:) #
• 15:50 Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true. When will you realize Vienna waits for you? #
• 16:39 :( #

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• 08:53 Cold shower brrrrr. Now I have colds. Good morning! #
• 08:55 Ang guwapo mo pa rin hahaha! #
• 10:26 "Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin
  Got me lookin so crazy your love" #
• 12:59 Sick-o. :( #
• 13:00 @jei_wai Listening to music to de-stress!!! I have a veryyyyy bad cold. #

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• 08:43 Didn't enjoy the latest episode of GG. Though Serena hit a nerve! How dare she do that to Blair! >:) #
• 09:44 Rainy morning today. :) #
• 10:12 @phoebecasin Had 7-Eleven for breakfast! :) French Vanilla Capuccino and sandwich. Hihihi yum. #
• 10:13 @jei_wai @phoebecasin Hate the weather! Could hardly get out of bed this morning. Sarap pa matulog kaya! :P #
• 11:06 Ang kilay pakibaba... #
• 11:34 "I beliv that if sthg is meant for us, we dnt get only 1 chance to chase after it.... #
• 11:34 ...Else, there is something better destined for us. It's all a part of His plan. " #
• 12:20 @jei_wai Im at work. Oh yes it's lunch time! Im so shaking with the capuccino! Puchang caffeine yan. Gutom na gutom na ko. #
• 13:57 I could listen to #Glee's Somebody to Love over and over! :P #
• 15:06 Uwi ba ko o hindi? Undecided! :) #
• 16:00 Bwisit ka ha. #
• 16:07 Akin lang yun! Akin! Akin! Akin! #
• 17:17 @nikkasha Selosa ako today! Hahahaha!!! #
• 17:32 Ano ba yung Tumblr na yan, gusto ko ma-experience yan....:P #

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• 08:04 Kung pagandahan lang ng ads, panalo na si Noynoy. Still, no one has my vote...Strongest contender, though, is..... #
• 09:08 @carlo1em I kinda like Teodoro..:) #
• 09:10 @phoebecasin Hi! I miss you! Nyahaha! See you! Pakita ka naman. Lech. #
• 09:41 @phoebecasin Mourning over who? Or what? #
• 09:42 @jei_wai Hullo betch! :) #
• 09:44 @phoebecasin Hah! Qualified si Gibo, if you check out his credentials. Yun lang, he's in the wrong turf. :( #
• 09:56 @phoebecasin Ganon. :( Yang isa sa mga masasaklap na uri ng goodbye. :( #
• 09:57 @phoebecasin Uyy special friend yan noh haha. #
• 09:59 @phoebecasin Not sure if I'm for Teodoro na. So far, una sya sa balota. Maski na uso si Noy and Magdalo is for Chiz. ;) No VP yet eh #
• 10:53 @phoebecasin I know the feeling! Kinda sad thinking about the day I'll find the courage to leave this place. Aww. #
• 10:54 @phoebecasin Pero dahil epal ako ipipilit ko yung special friend. :P #
• 10:55 @jei_wai Pwede! Pero mas maganda if you will visit us! Hahaha! Madaming makikinabang! Buong journalism society! :P #
• 11:02 "To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die..." #
• 11:19 bit.ly/3UHA7T I love Glee's Somebody to Love!!!! :) GANDAAAAA #

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Because my blog's starting to rot, I decided to post these photos from the recently held Halloween party at work. The rest are at Multiply and Facebook. The party was fun. I'll miss these things when the time comes I have the courage to leave!

Anyhoo, this is the time of the year when I remember those who are gone -- dead or far away (they're not the same thing!). My prayers are with you, always. :)

• 10:15 Work for the day is done!! Soooo.....what now. Slow news week nga eh. Everyone's in a party mood. Ako hindi pa. Kainis. #
• 11:15 Shouldve joined the gang in Cubao. Boring! #
• 12:07 I feel good watching Jim and Pam! :) #
• 18:14 I miss you. I miss you. #
• 23:26 Just got back from Halloween party with AFP, Defense/ PNP Press Corps. Kapagod. Fun! Fun! #
• 23:31 Super kainis ka na talaga. #

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• 10:11 Some 'blah' day. Walang balita! Mamaya pa! #
• 12:57 "If I'm away from u for more than an hour, I can't stop thinking abt u. I carry u in my spirit. I pray for u more than I pray for myself.... #
• 12:57 ..And that, that, that smile. When you smile like that, my world is alright.... I am in love with you. " -Diary Of a Mad Black Woman #
• 16:30 Mar Korina wedding on TV. Hanep. #
• 21:12 Anong nangyari sa court martial kanina? Hindi ko alam!!! #
• 22:02 Labo mo, pare. #

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• 06:10 Only 5 days left on voter's registration!!! Register now! :) #
• 06:23 LSS Swear it Again by Westlife. Hoorah! #
• 07:07 I will miss you. :( #
• 08:51 Thinking of my going How to cut the thread and leave it all behind Looking windward for my compass I'll take each day as it arrives.. #
• 08:51 ..But these miss you nights are the longest. #
• 08:51 SURE NA SURE NA AKO. FOR REAL. SOMEBODY'S WALKING AWAY. #
• 10:26 Nosebleed gumawa ng correspondence. #

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• 10:49 bit.ly/RH5CN JUMP! :D #
• 10:54 @nikkasha Kaya pala nagtatawag kahapon! :) #
• 21:20 "She's got you high and you dont even know yet..." #
• 21:23 500 Days of Summer! <3 #
• 21:31 Today is my six month at this job. Hehehehe! Well, six months ago I never imagined I would endure...and look how it turned out. :) #
• 22:40 Kainis ka. #

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Today is my sixth month at work. Well, when I started I never imagined what would happen six months later, and here I am. Here I am, very much holding on. I dont know, I'm not sure of what's in store for the next few months, but definitely sometime in 2010 I'm no longer here. Who knows if I quit by November or December this year? Who in the effin world knows. I quit planning on a long term basis, just as long as I know the next step and I have a Plan B. 

The long term goal is set aside though. And I made a few changes. I know I'm on the right path, it's just that I'm driving slowly. I don't like to blame my illness for this but it definitely slowed things down this year. I've toned down my determination a bit. Not so eager to get there...yet. Because I'm trying to enjoy things while I'm still on recovery.

And on this job I learned to believe in FATE. Because I tried out for this post on May 2008, didn't get it, had two jobs but it knocked on my door a few times in between (but always at a bad timing!). Almost a year later, it knocks again, after I quit my job and RAI, which is the best timing of all. And despite that I'm not a fan of the government (but I've always liked anything military), despite that sometimes it could get monotonous on slow news days, despite that sometimes some co-workmates get rough on me (their very nature), it's in this job that I've learned how to deal with different kinds of personalities, how to write without the MUSE, how to deal with crisis (job related or personal). And in this job I've never felt so at home. I mean, previous employers were great and I'm still in touch with the friends I made there. There's just something different about this place. It's not fun all the time, but despite and in spite of the lows, boy, I am glad to be here -- for now.

• 11:09 A man’s dreams are an index to his greatness. -Zadok Rabinwiltz #
• 22:19 @jei_wai Is PB going to HK? #
• 22:20 Just got back from MOA with workmates re the photo exhibit. So tiring. :) Kapagod din mag jump shot. Wehehe. #
• 22:37 Kakabadtrip si Erap, ano. Haha! #
• 22:44 Faliing harder for Chuck Bass each new GG episode. <3 #
• 22:45 @dabidee Jusme kung maka-asta parang hindi sya nagkasala sa taong bayan! Parehas lang sila ng inookray nya e. Wehehe. #
• 23:03 Goodnight! :) #

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• 09:02 Good morning. Tried to be late, but I always wake up ahead of the alarm clock. #
• 09:19 "Dahil totoo ang sabi nila, ang great love mo hindi mo makakatuluyan. Ang makakatuluyan mo ay ang correct love." #
• 11:45 Appreciated the song 'No Air' because of Glee. :) #
• 12:00 House and Cuddy. Chuck and Blair. Will and Emma. :) #
• 12:54 Happy weekend guys...Yahooooo! <3 #
• 13:51 11 ofcers acquitted bit.ly/1d1aL #

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• 09:33 Had a hard time getting out of bed. This week is my 'pasaway week.' Trying to be late every chance I get.....so bukas, late ulit. :) #
• 09:40 Six months after RAI. #
• 09:58 And....I miss being alive. #
• 10:00 @nikkasha Radiation.. #
• 13:38 Gone are the shadows and doubts.That was then, THIS IS MY NOW. #
• 16:13 How to manage online life when you're dead bit.ly/I6cXG #
• 17:15 Pucha. Kala ko long weekend for me. Hahahaha #
• 20:45 Hehehehe! Dressing up as a vampire only FOR COMPLIANCE. #
• 21:15 I've been dead for the past six months. Will go on a rage when I 'live' again. :D #

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Barely three months to go before the year ends, I can't help but think about the year ahead. I've set some personal projects that I should beat before 2010 comes. Hope I accomplish these goals! Not intending to elaborate further in this entry. I just wrote this to remind myself. :)